


The Music Meme- Fake News/Stewbert Edition!

by nevercomestheday



Category: Fake News FPF, Fake News RPF
Genre: (making up tags as we go), Admiration, Apocalypse, Arguing with Oneself, Coming Out, Cute, Cutesy, Drabble Collection, Drinking, Fake Character Death, Falling In Love, Falling in Love with a Fictional Version of Your Best Friend, Ficlet Collection, Guilt, Heartbreak, Imaginary Murder, Imagined Violence, Infatuation, Inspired by Music, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Meme, Murder, One Shot Collection, Party, Realization, Rumors, Slash, Snow, Snowball Fight, music meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-24 01:46:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4900804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevercomestheday/pseuds/nevercomestheday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The music meme- put your playlist on shuffle, start writing when the song starts, stop when it ends. Most of these are Stewbert, one is ambiguous, one is just Stephen and "Stephen" having it out, and there's even an apocalypse scenario for good measure. They're super short. Some are fun, some are sweet, some are funny, and some just hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Song: Let It Happen by Tame Impala

**Author's Note:**

> This was a super fun game to play.   
> For the FPF, I don't own the characters.  
> For the RPF: I don't own these people or their lives, this is a work of pure fiction, and I make no assumptions, assertions, or accusations regarding anyone's sexuality.
> 
> Enjoy! <3

Stephen's head is lost in a fog of smoke and booze. The room is swirling with music and lights, and the crowd of people talking is creating a dull roar around him that's just enough to make him zone out.

He's so lost in his own mind that it takes him a few seconds longer than usual to notice Jon walking up next to him and putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, Stephen," he says, calm tone clashing with the excitement surrounding them. "Stephen?"

"Huh? Oh, hey Jon." Stephen blushes.

"How, uh... How are you?"

Here they go again. It's the same back-and-forth, the same flirting-but-not-flirting, innuendos that almost go somewhere and jokes that come too close to hitting a nerve.

Stephen looks up at Jon, down at what had to be his fourth drink, then back up to Jon.

"How drunk are you?" An eyebrow goes up.

"Uh, Stephen..." Jon looks at him sideways at first, but then his expression changes. "Drunk enough."

Stephen takes Jon's hand with an almost tired look on his face and begins to lead him out to the hallway.

Jon opens his mouth to say something, but something inside him tells him that, for once in his life, he should shut up and let things happen as they do.

They stop by the coat room and Stephen nods once. He pulls Jon in behind the first and second rows of coats.

Jon swallows and looks into Stephen's eyes, trying desperately to read them.

Stephen rolls his eyes. "Jon, stop trying to figure this out and just let it happen."

He kisses him hard before Jon can come up with a witty retort.

 


	2. Song: Apocalypse Dreams by Tame Impala

Jon grits his teeth, pushing through yet another wall of debris blocking the studio door.

"Jon, I really don't think we should leave. There are enough snacks and drinks in my mini-fridge to last us at least another day!" Stephen groans from behind him, reaching up for a hand.

"Stephen, we've been stuck in here for the past 24 hours since the earthquake, or whatever it was. We need to find out what's going on. Don't you want to get to safety?" He stops to turn around and face his friend.

Stephen sighs. "Jon, I don't... I mean, don't get me wrong, I want to go out there and stop wondering, but I... I'm scared. Aren't we safe in here?" His glasses, cracked in one lens, come off to show his worry.

Jon presses his lips together and shakes his head. "I don't know, Stephen."

"I felt pretty safe here with you."

Jon looks at the ground now, suddenly unable to make eye contact. "I'll still be with you out there."

"Can... Can we come back once we find out what's going on?" Stephen whimpers.

Jon goes to answer, but a loud creak is heard from behind them. "Stephen!"

He grabs his hand and pulls him out the door just as a beam crashes to the ground.

 


	3. Song: Lonely Boy by The Black Keys

"Stephen, I'm sorry. I just... I'm just not ready to come out, okay?" Jon bites his lip.

"I know I should be more supportive, and I want to, I really do, but it's been _five years_ , Jon," Stephen sighs. He shakes his head, furrowing his brow. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. You take all the time you need, okay?"

"I'm afraid, all right? I'm afraid to come out." Jon looks down.

"Oh, Jon..."

"I know, I know, it's stupid. I'm always talking about acceptance and I'm so afraid of being rejected by the world that I'm still living a lie," he says.

"The world will love you for you. But if they don't, it's their loss, and I'll just have to love you enough for all of them."


	4. Song: Nine Is God by Wavves

The day is finally here. The show is over and _the show is over_ , and Stephen can be himself. He just has to shed the character.

It plays out in his head, the crazed egomaniac standing on the roof of the studio. They've been fighting for hours, both bruised and bloodied. Stephen wrestles the gun out of "Stephen's" hand, finally.

"You've given me a lot, Colbert. I appreciate it. But you're done. You've given me a lot of hell, too, don't forget." He searches the character's face for remorse, for a will to survive, but finds the face blank.

"Do it. I've already saved the world and America a million times over," "Stephen" says flatly.

He shoots him once, first in the side of the head, but misses by a hair. The bullet grazes the character's temple, and though he's bleeding, he doesn't flinch.

One more in the eye, and he's visibly weakened. Stephen picks him up like a piece of cloth and pulls him up to the ledge.

"Goodbye," he whispers, and tosses him over.

Finally, he feels free, like himself again.

For some reason, as the character sinks down to the waiting pavement, the same thought crosses his mind.

Finally.

 


	5. Song: Everywhere by Michelle Branch

_Sometime in 2000_

 

Jon sits in his office and taps his pen. He can't get Stephen out of his mind.

Or rather, he can't get "Stephen" out of his mind.

Ever since taking this job, since meeting both Stephens, he's had a weird... infatuation? crush? obsession? with his friend's alter-ego.

Regular Stephen Colbert is so sweet, and so charming, and so fun to be with, but there's something about the loose-cannon craziness of the fictional "Stephen" that keeps Jon on edge and entertained, and, though it freaks him out to think, _turned on_.

He's felt this way before- he's in love. Maybe that's a heavy term. He just really, really likes this pretend guy he acts like he works with.

It's so hard to think that the person occupying his dreams and fantasies _doesn't exist_.

Lately, he's been green-lighting more and more "Stephen" pieces just to get him more airtime. He can't get enough, and it's an issue.

Jon sighs. This is insane. This is insane. _This is insane!_

But every time he shuts his eyes, there's the wild look on "Stephen's" face, and he's whispering Jon's name, and oh no, not this again.

 _Oh well_ , Jon thinks in resignation. _Nobody needs to know, right?_

_Or do they already see it?_


	6. Song: I Touch Myself by The Divinyls

_(Character!Stephen)_

 

_This is wrong. This is so, so wrong. Sinner! Sinner! You're a sinner, Colbert!_

But oh, he doesn't care. He doesn't care that he's going against everything he believes in, he doesn't care that this probably makes him gay ( _No it doesn't!_ ), and he only sort of cares that this is _Jon_ he's thinking about.

Maybe that's why it's so hard to resist. What is it about Jon that makes him so crazy?

At all hours of the day and night, there's the thought. He wakes up mid-sleep, sweating and panting and hands already halfway down, with Jon's name on his lips.

When he's sad? He imagines Jon's smiling face. When he's mad? He asks himself if Jon would be mad.

Since when does he care about Jon Stewart at all?

Since when did wanting Jon become so normal that he was able to dismiss the thought as an everyday occurrence?

Stephen couldn't sleep with the guilt.

_That's fine, I just want to sleep with Jon._

_Shut up!_

But God, does he want it. He wants to hold Jon close and kiss him for hours, just to feel his warmth next to his own. He's started actually telling the stupid sorts of jokes Jon likes just to hear the sweet, somewhat raspy laugh fill the air.

_Okay, so I'm in love with Jon. So what?_

_Shut up!_

_I can't._


	7. Song: 8th World Wonder by Kimberley Locke

_Wow. Just look at that. How does he manage to render his character so seamlessly like that, and in real time?_

Jon stands on the side of the studio just off-set, watching with wide-eyed joy as Stephen wraps up taping his show.

He comes off the stage after thanking the audience and sees Jon, and if Jon thought Stephen was glowing before, this is truly blinding.

"Jon!" Stephen exclaims, throwing his arms around him and kissing his forehead.

"Hi, Stephen," Jon blushes. His stomach is swarming with butterflies and he feels like a teenage girl.

He has a massive crush, which is weird, because not only is he 45, but he and Stephen are already dating.

It just doesn't add up, though, every time he thinks about it. Here's Stephen, magnificent, wonderful, charismatic Stephen, and he picked Jon? Of all the people, hell, of all the New-York-based Jewish comedians he could've chosen from, he picked Jon?

Stephen smiles as they walk to the dressing room together, laughing at something Jon probably should've paid attention to.

"You're unbelievable," Jon breathes as he watches Stephen change.

Stephen stops and walks up to Jon, still in his slacks but not much else.

"Oh, Jon... My Jon..." he says as he wraps his arms around Jon's waist. "You're so blind to your own loveliness."


	8. Song: Snow (Hey Oh) by The Red Hot Chili Peppers

The sun shines brightly, reflecting off of the freshly fallen snow.

Stephen loves this time of year, but Jon grumbles.

"Remind me again why we're outside when there's a perfectly nice fireplace with food and coffee right in the house?" he groans, a hand shielding his eyes.

"Because it's the first real snow of winter, and it's beautiful out here!" Stephen exclaims, making a snowball in his gloved hands.

Jon opens his mouth to protest. "Stephen, I-" He's hit in the face by a snowball, and wow, he should've seen that one coming.

Stephen grips his sides, laughter almost painful from the chill in the air.

"Oh, I'm gonna get you, now," Jon says, a smile creeping across his face. He makes a snowball of his own, focusing on packing it just well enough so it stings a little, but before he can throw it...

Wow, twice. He really needs to pay more attention.

"Face it, Jon, you'll never beat the master. I had too many siblings to be bad at snowball fights." Stephen's cheeks are extra rosy. They match his nose.

Jon drops the snowball. "You're right, Stephen. Looks like I'll just have to forfeit... Or make you into a snow angel!"

He tackles Stephen to the ground, dropping them both into the thick blanket of snow. They roll for a moment, play-wrestling, until Stephen plays dirty and tickles Jon through his parka.

"Hey! Hey! No cheating!" Jon squeals through fits of giggles.

Stephen stops and smiles at Jon. "You're such a wuss."

"Yeah, well, shut up," Jon chuckles.

"Make me, Stewart."


	9. Song: The Less I Know The Better by Tame Impala

He's heard the rumors, yeah, but they're just rumors. Stephen couldn't have a thing for him, right? That's ridiculous.

Jon had always brushed it off as nothing, because that's exactly what it was.

But now, tonight, at this party, a new rumor floats through his ears, and he just can't ignore it.

"Did you see Stephen leave just now with Oliver?"

_What the fuck?_

John Oliver? With Stephen? No, that can't be.

Jon runs outside, the weird stabbing in his gut being temporarily ignored, until he finds the pair.

Holding hands.

 

"What do you mean, with him?"

"It doesn't mean forever, Jon... But you're a little late. Maybe you should try... someone else?" Stephen's tone is distant and longing at the same time.

Jon chokes on his own breath. He glances over to Oliver, waiting by the streetlamp a few feet away and blissfully unaware.

"I thought... But can't you see us together?" _Who allowed that one to slip through?_ "I mean, we're practically soulmates, everyone says so!" _What the fuck, brain. That was worse. Stupid party. Stupid shots._

"It's not now or never, Jon," Stephen says with a sigh. "I can't just blow John off like this... But I promise I'll get back to you. I want to be with you, I do..."

"Just... Just don't make me wait forever, okay?" He swallows. "Please?"

Stephen's eyes are sincere, and the hand that takes Jon's is trembling and cold. "I promise."

Jon shrugs awkwardly as he feels the weight of John's stare. "Better late than never, I guess."

Stephen smiles. "That's my line."

"And you couldn't convince him to forget about all this?" Jon shakes his head. "That was... I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Before Stephen can respond, Jon takes off towards home.

 

What the hell happened?

He was doing so well, he didn't even care. It was just a rumor, just a stupid, far-off _maybe_ , until he saw Stephen with John, until he saw the look on his face.

Jon's never felt lower.

His mind returns to the moment he felt his heart hit his shoes, when Stephen's eyes turned away from Jon's and over to Oliver, standing alone.

And as he was leaving, hearing John.

"Everything okay, babe?"


End file.
